What do you do when your child’s life hangs in the balance? Barb King graciously shares her story of faith, hope and courage as she and her husband Dean care for their daughter Olivia through a serious medical condition.
Olivia has been hospitalized for almost two weeks, and your prayers are deeply appreciated.
From the heart of a mother…
Olivia’s medical condition
Olivia was born with a rare form of Cystic Fibroses. She was diagnosed at the age of three when all of her organs went into complete failure. A month later, a life flight to Atlanta, and lots of doctors and tests….Olivia’s liver had completely failed. She had Cystic Fibroses and needed a liver transplant as soon as we could get one.
One day, I had a happy healthy child, I thought, the next she was hanging on for her life. Over the next ten years we have struggled with a liver transplant that has not gone well, awaiting another transplant and her Cystic Fibroses issues continue to increase because of the multiple surgeries she has undergone trying to keep this liver going.
Its impact on daily life
The impact of such a traumatic event in your life is unimaginable. One day your life seems the same every day. The next minute, you are dealing with a crisis that will forever change your life, your heart and your marriage. The pain for a father not being able to fix the problem is insurmountable. A mother who cannot, won’t leave her child’s side because of what this tiny baby was going through leads to sleep exhaustion, mental depletion trying to keep up with what the doctors were saying, and emotional bankruptcy because you are afraid to let anyone in because of the breakdown you might have and you have to be strong.
All those things mixed together create a really shaky situation for a marriage. But, after a while, if you have a good marriage to start with, you find your way back to each other. You rebuild on that foundation you have and you start standing together, not apart. The divorce rate for chronically ill children is one in two. I am so thankful we are not the one in two…but the one standing with God, believing that He is the Healer, the Comforter, the Deliverer and our Friend. That has been the reason we found our way back. God has and will always be the center of our relationship and the first one we call on.
Other struggles
Over the past 10 years we have struggled through a bankruptcy, shutting down a business, moving here, living with my mom at first, to be closer to the hospital here, starting over again. Olivia’s constant sickness and needs. Never really knowing what the next day will bring. We lost my mom to cancer one year and then my husband’s mom, sister and stepfather the next to a single car accident. The last ten years have been an enormous struggle for us. But we stand together when something comes our way because we love each other on such a deeper level than I think we would have ever achieved if this had not happened in our lives.
Today, our lives have changed so much. We live in the moment not the future. We make the very best of every day.
We decided to treat this as normally as possible–that sickness was not going to be the driving force of our life. It was just a part of who we were and who Olivia is. I think this has helped Olivia want to be just a normal kid and strive harder to be happy, as healthy as she can be, and have a good relationship with the Lord. Though she does have some struggles about being sick, she can see Him in her daily life and I think that gives her a stronger and healthier attitude.
Lessons
1. Life is fragile. Each moment does count and each person you meet–God put them in your path for a reason.
We try not to hold on to the hurts and the struggles because we need and want to see the things God is doing in our lives. There are incredible moments with God that we are allowed to experience because we are walking through this incredibly hard journey, holding on to a glorious Father’s hand to help us through it all.
2. Legacy is so important. How we treat people. How we invest in their lives. Helping someone when we can. Those things are such important moments. When Olivia was first diagnosed and we came home to Nashville to await her transplant, I was amazed at the letters that started pouring in. People I had known, forgotten about, or even who thought had no idea who I was….sent letters, money, cards, presents to Olivia…and over and over it would say, Barb you helped me do this or that….and this is just my small way to say thank you and we are praying. It reminded me so much of what would happen if I had died. These people were impacted by something that God wanted to do in their lives, I just happened to listen to God and do it. That was when I realized so much more than I did before that people are the reason we are here. God wants us to engage, invest when we can, and love his children here.
Strength
My joy and peace comes from knowing the Lord. I am not sure how anyone can deal with the pain and suffering of your own child without knowing God.
Advice
I think when you walk through a valley; it is so hard to see that you will make it to the top of the mountain. God sees things so much bigger than we ever can. So my suggestion is to take it moment by moment. If you have lost a child or spouse or someone close to you, if you are in financial ruin, if you feel hopeless and alone, whatever the valley may be and you can’t seem to find peace… first fall on your face before God. Reach up and let Him know you are listening, and then find a spouse, a friend, a counselor, a pastor, someone that you feel you can open up to and just talk. Because I have found that the biggest battle is not fought in the circumstance but in the mind. I never want to make light of someone’s valley because what is huge to them, may be small to me or what is huge to me may be easy for them…but I do know how to walk up that mountain and keep going no matter what to reach the top. To not give up on yourself, God or your family and friends. They are the support you need and God purposely has them in your life to give you strength, encouragement and hope.