Communicating?

“Hey, Anita, come and meet some of my friends.” A homeschooling friend linked her arm in mine and led me to a couple on the other side of the room.

“This is Anita.” My friend gestured to me.

“Hey. Nice to meet you, Anita.” The lady looked up from her Blackberry and smiled.

“Hi,” mumbled her husband without lifting his head from his Blackberry, his fingers speeding over the tiny keyboard.

I tried to chat a bit. A rather disconcerting task since both kept their eyes peeled to their Blackberries. After a while, I wandered off.

Technology has changed the way we communicate. Gone are the days when I waited for almost three weeks for a letter from India, or waited for my once-a-month phone call to India, trying not to think of my phone bill. These days, I’m connected with most of my friends around the world. Modern technology has enabled accessibility. But does accessibility help us communicate better? Is communication really about status updates? Or texting when in the same room?

Communication, in its essence, implies a sharing, a reciprocity, establishing some common meaning, a give and take; when both parties are involved in communication. It implies working toward establishing deeper relationships. The deep personal level of communication involves time—taking time to communicate meaningfully, to see where the other is coming from, to establish understanding.

I’m reminded of the greatest Communicator of all time. The One who stepped out of eternity, to give His all to communicate love and acceptance, so I could have a lasting relationship with Him.

Effective communication costs.

How has technology and being accessible impacted how you communicate?

Living in the moment–3

Love, as I was reminded this week, is a better, more powerful way to living in the moment.

It’s not the “feel good,” emotional kind of love, but the kind that causes me to go the extra mile, to reach out even in the midst of my own struggles. It’s the kind of love that enables me to live to the fullest despite the unexpected, the good and the bad. It’s living as He lived–living in His love. And as He helps me, I can be His hands and feet:

“If I give everything I own to the poor…but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.” 1 Corinthians 13:3-7; The Message

Living in the moment–2

A crying toddler. A frustrated tween. Slipping on an oven mitt only to be gripped by a cold, clammy wetness. (Apparently my mother in senior moment couldn’t tell the difference between wet and dry laundry.) Leaky diapers. A stalled van. Sleepless nights with a sick child. A garage door that breaks during the coldest spell of winter.

How does one live life to the fullest in those moments? Well, I’ve had a crash course over the last few weeks. I’ve come close to eating the words of my last blog.

Life’s got good and bad moments—that’s just a reality. How can I seize the moment, regardless? Though it’s not always possible, I’m trying to be more intentional when life happens.

When the joy of my toddler wanting only me began to wear off, and my frustration level began to rise, I thought about the miracle of her life. This was the child whom doctors didn’t think would live. When I looked into her dark brown eyes, something melted in my heart. My frustrations of not being able to do what I wanted to seemed petty compared to the wonder of having another child. 

When my tween’s frustrations with Math reached a high point, I walked away so I wouldn’t add to the stress. And then, when I saw her, sitting at the table, her head bent over her text books, I realized how much she had grown—that it wouldn’t be long before she’d be off in college and those moments of angst really wouldn’t matter so much anymore.

When my mother has questions about the laundry, I don’t tell her she should know better. I go and help her. Thinking of all the times she cared for me and nurtured me is what keeps me going.

And when my good intentions to be intentional evaporate, and I want to pull hair out (as is often the case), I think, y’know, that’s just life.

How do you live in the moment?

Living in the moment

For about three weeks of the recent holidays, a friend lay in hospital battling for his life. We rode an emotional roller coaster with his family. Our lives, in the midst of holiday preparations and celebrations, were a blur of hospital visits. Conversations centered on his condition. When he came off life support, we rejoiced with his family. And then, a couple of days later, on New Year’s Day he slipped into eternity.

Since then, my husband and I have been reflecting on life. We don’t bring anything into this world; we don’t take anything when we leave it. Yet we leave a huge legacy behind–memories. It’s not what we accumulate or achieve. It’s how we live life. 

I’m not one for resolutions. But this year, I want to live life without regrets. To live in the moment, knowing it might never come again. To reach out and soothe a hurt; to laugh when life just happens. To enjoy my children. To live in the joy of the One who made me.

What about you?

Hope

A fresh start. New beginnings. That’s what January 1, 2010, ushers in.

The mistakes, the ups the downs, the good and the bad that was 2009 is past. Take hold of hope as you enter 2010. 

“Forget about what’s happened;
   don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
   It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?[1]

 Happy New Year!

---

[1] Isaiah 43:18,19; The Message

Photo credit: http://www.cepolina.com/freephoto/

Now what?

The gifts are opened. After-Christmas sales are done. Parties are winding down. Decorations are put away. Resolutions are being considered. As the glow and excitement of Christmas fades, a slight feeling of being let down sets in.

But what is it that you treasure about Christmas? What made it special for you this year?

What if we took one thing that we focus on during Christmas—whether it’s giving, sending a card, calling someone, connecting with friends, visiting family, having company over–and try to do that at least once or twice during the year? How would that change our lives?

Christmas isn’t only about a celebration at a certain time each year. It’s about Jesus—Emmanuel—God with us always. It’s about living in the wonder of His love, giving as He gave, loving as He loves every day…

The heart of Christmas

He sat at the corner of the road as far back as I can remember. His legs, encased in filthy bandages, protruded from the bent metal cart. The once-blue scarf around his neck hid part of his matted grey beard. A torn jacket barely protected him from the cool Bangalore air. With his bandaged hands outstretched, he called, “Amma, paisa” as we passed by.

“Why is he on the road?” asked my daughter as she clutched my hand. “What’s he saying, Mama?”

“He’s a beggar,” I explained. “He doesn’t have any place to live, and he’s asking us for money.” She kept looking back at him as we walked away.

During the three weeks we were in India, I exchanged my daughter’s allowance to rupees. “Mommy, I’m going to give that man some money before we leave,” she determined. The only things she used her money for were gifts for her friends in the US.

“Do you want to change the rupees back to dollars?” I asked her on our last day in India.

Shaking her head, she took the money from me. She opened the door and ran down several flights of stairs to the entrance of the building. I followed her. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to give this to the beggar.”

She skipped around the muddy rain puddles till she reached the corner where he sat, slowing as she approached him. Bending down, she placed the money on his lap. He bent his head and studied the stack of hundred rupee notes, oblivious to the rain drops falling from the plastic bag that was wrapped around his head.

Picking up the money, he looked at her, a huge grin lighting his face. He stretched his hands out toward her and then pulled them together in a namaste as he lowered his head. She grinned and ran back home. As I followed, I looked back and swallowed hard: He was distributing the money to the little urchins on the street.

It took my nine-year-old and the beggar to remind me that true giving is from the heart. And that it costs.  Isn’t that what  Christmas is about? The greatest Gift of all time is also the greatest Sacrifice of all time. The One Who spoke the world into being gave Himself for us so we might have abundant life.

Celebrate Him! He is worthy.

Photo credit: http://www.free-clipart-pictures.net/religious_clipart.html

Enjoying Christmas

It’s a special time of year. Glittering lights adorn houses. The melody of carols echoes wherever where you go. The aroma of once-a-year culinary treats wafts through houses. Gifts pile up under the Christmas trees. Visits from and to extended family. Wish lists. Pictures with Santa. Excitement and anticipation build as December 25th approaches. But so do tension and stress as calendars get packed, shopping lists grow and life becomes a frantic blur of trying to get everything done in time for Christmas.

How can we enjoy a stress-free holiday season?

1. Focus: What’s important during this season? Spending time with family? Making memories? Entertaining? Decorating? Once you determine that, you can…

2. Simplify: How much is enough? While some of my friends decorate every room in their house for Christmas, we decorate a few areas of the house. This year, with a feisty toddler around, our house is less decorated than usual. How much of preparation is enough? This year, I’ve baked less than ever before, not only in the number of batches of cookies, but in the variety. Simply because I wanted to enjoy the season and time with my kids rather than being stressed about a toddler getting into everything.

Know your abilities and limitations and work within them.

3. Manage expectations: Christmas can bring out my perfectionist tendencies. The decorations have to be just so, the meals extravagant, especially when we entertain. But does everything have to be perfect in order to enjoy the season? It’s about the joy of being with family and friends, and sharing His love.

4. Celebrate: A beautifully decorated house and gifts bring pleasure for a season. But memories with loved ones will last a lifetime. Nothing is a given in life–treasure each moment this season.

Celebrate, in utter abandonment, the greatest Gift of all time. Bask in the wonder of His grace.

Photo credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=809

Francesco  Marino/Freedigitalphotos.net

Memories

“Some sad news” caught my eye as I scrolled through the e-mail in my inbox. I sat staring at the message for what seemed an eternity, tears spilling down my cheeks.

“No! Aunty Gladys died.” I heard a disembodied voice and sobs. I didn’t realize it was mine until I felt my tween’s arms around me.

Aunty Gladys. An intrinsic part of my life in India. What would a visit to India be like without her? A close family friend who was like a mother to me. Aunty Gladys, so full of life, laughter, always ready to have a good time was gone.

Thoughts swirled through my mind as I struggled to comprehend this news. After several attempts, I got through to her family in India. We laughed and cried as we reminisced together.

More in control of my emotions later in the day, I told my tween about some of the fun times in my childhood. Parties and sing-alongs that Aunty Gladys’s family and mine shared. The candlelight Christmas concerts conducted by Aunty Gladys. The family traditions of visiting each other on Christmas Day. Aunty Gladys always had time for a cup of coffee, a joke and for me. She walked with our family through the good times and bad. A loyal friend.

It’s been a year since I received that e-mail. But she gave me a wonderful gift—memories that I treasure. They challenge me as well: What memories will I give my family? 

A special Thanksgiving

“I can hardly wait for them to get here, Mommy,” my tween said for the millionth time. Her eyes sparkled as we set the table.

When the door bell finally rang, my toddler shot down the hallway. We opened the door to our much-awaited company–my husband’s family. And so began our Thanksgiving weekend. A weekend that ended all too soon; a weekend full of wonderful memories…

My toddler climbed over her uncle as he sat on the sofa watching a football game in the family room. Finally both ended up on the floor, building towers with wooden blocks. The cousins chatting, giggling, texting and staying up for movie marathons each night. Sight-seeing, reminiscing about family, long walks, fun, reconnecting with each other, time together…

This Thanksgiving was extra-special. In the past, we’ve shared holidays with others who were alone. But after many years, we celebrated Thanksgiving with family, and for the first time, we were the hosts.

What made your Thanksgiving special this year?